Crazy

Who the heck does this?

That is one the scariest thing I have ever seen drive down the freeway. There is nothing holding that small TV in place but a tiny thread of rope that is not even snugly against it. You cannot see the couch that is resting on top because the blue sheet is hiding it.

The scariest was when I was going to work last week and there was a big rig in front of me that almost tipped on it's side. The driver took the transition to the next freeway too fast. Only the left hand wheels of the trailer were on the ground, the right wheels were off the ground a good 4 ft. The driver straitened it out just in time and all the wheels dropped back on the ground.

It is not a choice, it is a necessity.

This morning was one of the rare occasions that David happened to get up at the same time as me. I was a little grouchy and very tired from the lack of sleep last night. I was telling him how it is going to suck because in a couple weeks I am going to have to wake up even earlier to make sure I get to work by 7:30am so I can leave at 4pm to make it to school. He quickly pointed out that it was my choice to go to school. I said nothing but just wanted to lay this out on the table.
Going to school for my teaching credential is not a choice, it is a necessity. I am doing this to better our life as a family, so I can hopefully spend more time with Kaitlyn and be able to cook a nice dinner every night. If I choose not to do this then I would be stuck in the same miserable job with crappy pay and no time off for the rest of my life leaving Kaitlyn with a sitter instead of with me. Also with teaching there is always the opportunity to grow your salary, that is not to say I am doing it for the money because we all know that is not the case. But the opportunity is there to get an increase every year. I have not received a raise in 5 years now.
I just want to have a job that is fulfilling, making money for other people is not fulfilling. Having the possibility to change the live of a child is.

Ruff Night

So you read about Kaitlyn having a hard time falling asleep on Saturday night, well last night she had a hard time from about 2am to 4am. She never really screamed just wined every few minuets. It is a hard situation for me, I am never quite sure what I should do. My first instinct is to go in there and cuddle with her but then she just wakes up more and will not go back to sleep or will scream if I try to put her back in her crib. My second instinct is to check her diaper but again we are left with the same situation above. Lastly I think that she might need some Tylenol but again that involves her seeing me and not being able to put her to sleep again. I have tried bringing her to bed with me but that always ends in disaster as well. When I have done that all she does is crawl around the bed, sit up and play with me, or climb up the head board.
In the end I ended up not going in her room at all, I was glued to the video monitor watching her every move; waiting for the moment that I needed to go in there and rescue her. She was not standing up crying or anything and it looked like she was continually trying to go back to sleep.
I wish she could just tell me what is the matter. "Mommy (more like Dada, that is what she likes to call me recently - I have never been called Mom yet) my tummy hurts" or "Mommy my teeth hurt" or even just "Ouch", "Sick", "Dirty". Something to let me know that she really does need me. I know it will happen soon but the guessing sucks. I feel so bad when I don't go in there and help her but I know if she really does not need me it is best to let her figure it out on her own.

What do you want for dinner?

Every time I get asked this question my mind goes blank. My thoughts jumble up in my head, I get a slight feeling of anxiety until I stop thinking about it. I have had this problem for a long time. If I know I have to figure out what is for dinner I spend hours thinking about it; what we have on hand, what I need to buy, how long ago we had something... I have to focus and concentrate on just that for a while, I cannot just jump back with an answer to "what do you want for dinner" unless I already had a plan in place. Especially if I am at work or driving, I am already using too many brain cells with those activities alone. What further complicates the matter is if I do have something in mind and give my answer, it is usually shot down.
I had no idea why I had this problem until yesterday. I was talking with my sister in law, Christina, to come up with ways to prevent this from happening when I realized that I have been asked this question every day of my life since I was a little girl. My mother worked full time so when she was on her way home she would call me and ask what I wanted for dinner. The answer to this question had to be some fast food restaurant. I remember in high school I was so sick of fast food that I often answered this question by stating food, which was quickly countered with what kind of food.
That was my Ah ha moment. This is also one of the reasons I am such a stickler with having a home cooked meal for Kaitlyn. Don't get me wrong, we do have fast food every once in a while, I am not 100% against it. I am on a mission to not ask my kid what she wants for dinner unless it is a special occasion. I don't want her to have anxiety every time she is asked what she wants for dinner.
Now that I know where my reaction to this question came from the next step is figuring out how to "fix" it. It does not help that I am not a well versed cook. I have to look up recipes and to do that you need some sort of idea what you want to cook. I think the "fix" is not going to happen any time soon.
Conclusion, if you are going to ask me what is for dinner be prepared to get food as the answer.

Counting

On Sunday when we were at Kaitlyn's cousins house we practiced counting. Normally she will randomly say a number like "two" or "five" and some times she would say that number where it belongs, for example I would say one, she would say two, I would say three, she would say four. That has only happened a couple of times and only after repeatedly counting before hand.
Well the girls were wanting to play with the aquadoodle mat but it only has one pen so while Katherine was doodling I sat Kaitlyn in my lap and pulled out a magnet board like this one: B. Toulouse only smaller. I started writing the numbers as I counted to 10. Kaitlyn just sat and watched while Katherine joined me. After about the 5th or 6th time Kaitlyn started saying the numbers with us. It was so cute!
I can now say she counts to 10 ~ well sort of, LOL.

Mothers day

Saturday night Kaitlyn had a hard time falling asleep. She was up and crying till 10pm. I finally came to my senses and gave her some Tylenol at about 9:30pm. I think she was in pain from teething. I forgot how hard it was to deal with an over tired baby but now it is harder since she is not 12lbs... more like 26lbs. I was exhausted after that. The only time she was happy was when I was holding her and rocking her.
Needless to say I was kind of excited to think that she might sleep in on Sunday. That is the only thing I wanted for mothers day, to sleep in.
6:30am rolled around and Kaitlyn was wide awake, ready to start her day.  I guess I did get to sleep in a little since she normally is up at 6am. I was so tired mothers day that I could not function. Poor Kaitlyn was bored and wanted to go outside to play but I could not peel myself from the couch. I even took a nap when she did but woke up even more tired than before.
We headed over to Steven and Christina's house after her nap, she got to play outside with her cousins from 4pm to 7pm so I don't feel as bad about not doing much that morning. Katherine had a case of the "mine"s but that is typical for her age. I love how Christina handles it though, she tells Katherine that the toys belong to mommy, not her. LOL Or the good old "it's broken" and take it away from everybody. Overall the kids played together very well.
I still feel like I am in a fog, my words are not forming properly in my head. I feel like I cannot make any sense no matter how hard I try. I guess I should go to bed and hope that my mind clears up by tomorrow.




Go figure Kaitlyn decided she would sleep in today (Monday), a day that we have to be out the house by 7am!

Oh forgot to mention, I had an OK mothers day.

Purple and Yellow

For the past month Kaitlyn has preferred to use only two crayons; purple and yellow. I try to get her interested in the other colors but she wants nothing to do with them. She can even say purple and point it out on her clothing.

Looks like she is going to be a Laker fan!
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I know,I know, what is with the paci in her mouth? She was sick last week, remember? I felt bad for her and all she wanted was that damn thing so I gave it to her. Now I have to work on getting it back down to naps and bed time again. Sometimes I wish she never got into paci's and other times, like last week, I am thankful she has something to sooth herself. Talk about a love hate relationship. Once she has all her teeth in the paci's are going to mysteriously break...